Help! I Became A Guy In A BL Novel!-Chapter 149: Without You

The moment they returned to the manor, Riven was bracing himself for Eli’s healing herbs. He had been coming every day, the second time was just to give him the birth control herbs, but they started becoming close friends.

From Ronan, he hoped for a warm bath, a snack, and a kiss to the forehead—he’d been brave, after all. Instead, he was promptly tossed onto the bed like a sack of flour.

He bounced with a small oomph, blinking up at the ceiling before Ronan’s looming figure filled his vision.

The Alpha stood at the edge of the bed, arms crossed, his powerful stance filled with barely restrained energy. His brows were furrowed, his jaw was tight, and his icy blue eyes were blazing—not with rage, but something more complicated. Deeper.

Riven tried to roll to the side, as if he might just burrow under the blankets and disappear, but Ronan’s voice came low and sharp. He couldn’t even feel the pain from his wound.

"Don’t even think about it." He placed his hands on his hips and took a step closer, not raising his voice but letting it press down like iron. "What was the real reason?"

Riven blinked up at him, feigning innocence. "Reason for what? I mean, I just wanted to enjoy a day out, and there were meats on skewers—"

"Riven."

He sighed. Of course, the Alpha wouldn’t let this slide.

"I’ve been cooped up in here forever, you know," Riven tried again, sitting up slowly with the grace of a sulking cat. "You know how dramatic I can get when I’m deprived of sunlight and fresh air, I’m basically a plan! It was purely for my mental health."

Ronan stepped forward, leaning in, gaze unwavering. "You threw a tantrum. You made Troy nervous. And you pushed past my refusal. You never push unless it’s for something important. So tell me." His voice lowered. "Why did you have to go out today?"

Riven bit his lip, looking away. His leg throbbed. He could feel the ache in his bones, but none of that compared to the heat of Ronan’s gaze. The Alpha was worried. Still angry. But mostly, he was hurt.

That made Riven squirm.

"I just—" he started, then stopped. The silence stretched, heavy.

Ronan didn’t fill it. He waited.

Finally, Riven exhaled, shoulders slumping. "I knew something was off with the elders. I overheard a conversation last week. They’re getting bolder, and... I thought if I gave them a nudge, they’d take the bait. I wanted to see how far they’d go. Who was watching? Who would try something?" He glanced up. "It would give you the opportunity to deal with them!"

Ronan’s expression didn’t change immediately. He just stared at Riven, unreadable. Then, quietly, he said, "I have my own means, Riven. I didn’t need a reason. I don’t need an excuse to move against them."

"You would’ve needed one to act without igniting a political firestorm," Riven argued softly.

"I’m the Alpha." Ronan’s voice sharpened. "I decide what to do. What I want. And ever since I marked you, I told myself I will start prioritising my needs, my desires, and not care about the elders or anyone else..."

That made Riven go still.

Ronan stepped closer again, and this time his touch was gentle. He crouched in front of Riven’s injured leg and began unrolling a long strip of cloth. Riven watched as he worked, careful and precise, wrapping the injury with a softness that betrayed the frustration simmering beneath.

"I can’t believe you would try something so stupid." He chided while making sure the wound was clean and tying it up.

"I thought I could help," Riven muttered back.

"You did not," Ronan said, tugging the bandage into place with a firm knot. "But you also nearly got yourself killed. You made me worry. Do you have any idea what I felt when I received the report from Troy?"

Riven blinked. That was how Troy was going to summon Ronan? Just leave him a note?

How would that even work? Sensing his confusion, Ronan clarified, "Troy confessed everything in the report and asked me to come to the location."

Riven swallowed, looking away. "Sorry," he said quietly.

"No." Ronan stood again. "You don’t get to be sorry yet."

Riven blinked. "Excuse me?"

"I’m not calling Eli."

Riven’s eyes widened. "What? Why not?"

Ronan folded his arms again. "You’re going to heal normally, without the special accelerating herbs that Eli brings."

"Oh no no no. That sounds painful and barbaric. I much prefer the magical sparkly solution—"

"I know." Ronan’s voice was calm now. "But I need you to remember this pain."

Riven fell silent, eyes narrowing. "You’re punishing me?"

"I am," Ronan said, unabashed. "Because I need you to understand. You don’t throw yourself into danger just because you think you can flirt your way out. Or because you want to look clever. Or because you want to prove something to me."

"I didn’t want to look clever, I just wanted to help." Riven pouted. Ronan was clearly struggling to take action since it was something he was not used to. He thought this assassination attempt would give Ronan an excuse to investigate thoroughly and eliminate the damned elders.

"And you did," Ronan said again, softer this time. "But you also scared me. And that matters too. So this pain? Let it remind you not of your failure, but the pain I experienced when I saw you injured." He did not add that the pain he felt when he realised that Riven did not trust him.

Riven’s breath hitched.

Ronan stepped closer, reaching out and brushing his knuckles against Riven’s cheek. "You have me. You have all of me. I can’t lose you just because you decided you needed to help. You are not a soldier. You are not bait. You are—"

"I’m yours?" Riven finished, his voice suddenly small.

"You are me... If that makes sense. There is no me without you."