Knowing Brother-Chapter 4

The murmurs of the people coming out of the bathroom poured cold water on Seolwoo’s imagination.

“Ah, Daeyoung...? It’s just some nonsense.”

“Then why doesn’t he have a girlfriend, and no one he’s slept with either?”

Seolwoo peeked his forehead out and looked down the corridor. It was the high jump athletes' older ◆ Nоvеlіgһt ◆ (Only on Nоvеlіgһt) sisters.

He had already known about the absurd rumors that had surrounded Daeyoung for the past few years. As someone who knew the truth, he wanted to shout, “He’s not impotent, okay!” Seolwoo had seen Daeyoung walk around with his front zipper bulging grotesquely during those years when he had stopped having sex. He had seen it countless times in the training facility showers and at home.

“Impotence...!”

He almost said it out loud, but just stopped himself.

Since the first time he met him at twelve years old, Daeyoung had never been free from sexual rumors. There were stories about where he had been, who he had dated, how he had partied for two nights straight, and how someone had tried to lure him to a motel offering free services... Some of those rumors were true. Daeyoung was open about receiving messages asking for sex, and whenever he went out for drinks, he was targeted by hunters.

Why were people so obsessed with breeding him? Did they even know what his personality was like?

Well, no matter his personality, the kind of people who just want to get into his pants are probably only after the benefits, seeing only the surface. When Seolwoo thought that, he kind of understood it.

In a way, Daeyoung was Seolwoo’s nemesis. Daeyoung was the one who crushed Seolwoo’s belief of living without hormonal dependence, using a sledgehammer. He was the one who drowned Seolwoo’s world in testosterone and sexual desire. An icon of breeding wrapped in the signals of mating, like a stud horse.

The rumor about Daeyoung having problems with his sexual capabilities had come up because, ironically, he was living celibate, unlike the usual promiscuous Daeyoung.

He recalled what Daeyoung had said about the rumor.

— Hey, Daeyoung. They’re saying you’re impotent. They say you didn’t use a condom even once in the athlete village.

— They’re just jealous. Let them talk.

— ...Why don’t you date, or have sex? You’ve been frustrated for years.

— Why keep asking? Want to do it? Let’s go and do it.

— ...Ah, get lost! Get away.

— I haven’t done it in so long, I forgot how it’s done. Teach me. Come on. How do I use this thing?

— You touch me and I’ll kill you. Let go.

Daeyoung had grabbed Seolwoo’s wrist and pulled it toward his groin, shutting down the question. After messing with Seolwoo for a while, he let go and grinned widely. He smiled so brightly that dimples appeared on his cheeks, but if you looked closely at his eyes, they were expressionless.

Daeyoung often smiled like that. It was a smile that seemed like it wasn’t really joyful, a smile that bothered Seolwoo. It always seemed like there was some heavy anchor buried deep inside him, anchoring his heart in darkness somewhere in the world.

When Seolwoo thought about him in the quiet of the night, that smile always rattled his heart. But Seolwoo never asked or pressed him about it. The moment he brought up that heavy anchor, Daeyoung would probably act like a person who didn’t have such a thing at all. Seolwoo didn’t want him to lose the easy, comfortable side of himself in front of him.

So, every time Daeyoung showed that smile, Seolwoo just wrote it down in his diary. His resolutions at the end of each entry were always the same.

I’m going to make a high salary and free Daeyoung from his family! Money is the answer. I absolutely have to make a lot of money! That way, I can make Daeyoung happy!

Anyway, the words Daeyoung had murmured behind that smile were something like this:

— Sex, it’s so good... Ah, I’m craving it.

Daeyoung, who had done everything by the time he first met Seolwoo in middle school, seemed to know the pleasures of sex well. Even when teased with words like "dirty rag," he only smiled, and teasing him wasn’t even fun anymore.

— Once rehab is over, I’m gonna keep going until my back breaks, and burn out all my energy. Don’t worry, Seolwoo, you got it?

Seolwoo couldn’t deny the truth that there were many people lining up to be his next target. So, instead of playing along with that, Seolwoo decided to take a different approach.

— ...I already swore I wouldn’t introduce any woman I know to you. If they find out what your true two-faced self is like, no woman in this world would ever want to be with you.

Daeyoung’s response to that sharp remark was:

— Yeah. So you’ll be the one to stick around.

— Damn...

Daeyoung had a talent for making Seolwoo curse with just a few words.

Seolwoo didn’t want him to say those things. Thinking about why Daeyoung’s jokes bothered him like that made his chest ache. So, he buried those uncomfortable feelings with curses every time.

The voices of the sisters gossiping in the hallway grew quieter.

“No, it’s not that. He’s not dating, apparently he’s seeing an idol. A famous female idol.”

“What?”

“They said he’s waiting to release an article once he becomes a big star after rehab.”

“......”

The rumors they murmured were half-true. Or, maybe they were entirely true... there had been a female celebrity that Daeyoung had been in a relationship with. It was a love story Seolwoo knew well.

Ha Young-seo. A high school classmate, and a friend who still occasionally hangs out with their old group. Daeyoung and she had dated when they were trainees but broke up right before her debut.

After dating for years, they finally broke up when Daeyoung started rehab. At that time, Ha Young-seo’s group, which had been active for a few years, disbanded, and she was preparing for a solo album. They didn’t have the time to date anymore.

Seolwoo hadn’t heard anything since. They still kept in touch through a group chat, but there had been no news of Daeyoung getting back together with her.

Besides, Daeyoung had been the first to call Seolwoo right after winning a medal. So the rumors were just rumors!

Seolwoo boldly walked out into the hallway.

“Sisters. I’m passing through.”

“Ah!”

The older sisters, who were serious about maintaining their connection with Seolwoo, chased after him, grabbing his shoulder.

“Seolwoo, Seolwoo. You cut your hair? Oh, you’re trying to look like a working professional. I didn’t recognize you.”

One of them pulled up a photo from social media and compared it to Seolwoo’s face. It was a mirror selfie Daeyoung had tagged Seolwoo in at the end of last year. He had posted it even though Seolwoo had told him not to. Underneath the photo, Daeyoung had written just one line: “Teasing Seolwoo is the most fun thing in the world.” freewebnøvel.com

In the photo, Seolwoo had slightly curled hair, covering his nape, with black earrings on one ear. He still looked free and stylish, not yet shedding the look of a college student. Compared to that, the shorter, combed hairstyle he had now made him look like a neatly groomed new office worker.

As Seolwoo continued walking without reacting, the sisters ran up and caught up with him again.

“Seolwoo, honestly, you know, did Daeyoung get a girlfriend?”

“No.”

“He really didn’t meet anyone during rehab? What’s up with him?”

“He didn’t meet anyone but me. But why are you all asking me about him? Am I Daeyoung’s spokesperson?”

“What’s wrong with that? You know everything anyway.”

“......”

Sigh. Seolwoo didn’t have any more words. Whether he liked it or not, this was his reality. As an accountant with no ties to the track and field world, he somehow knew all of Daeyoung’s associates, having known each other for so long. They knew each other’s true selves and secrets.

“Ah, I’m going. I don’t care about any of this.”

“Seolwoo, you’re funny. Now that you’re a tax professional, you’re talking all serious to us?”

“I’m not a tax professional, I’m an accountant. How many times do I have to say it? Please remember.”

“That’s basically the same. Seolwoo, come on. You took half a day off, so let’s go grab some lunch!”

“Lunch?”

Feigning interest, Seolwoo dashed off, as if making an escape plan. The bright laughter of the two women echoed above his head as he rushed down the stairs.

Seolwoo-yah! Let’s go!

He left the building, with their teasing voices trailing behind.

He wasn’t sure if the rumor about the idol was true or not, but it made him feel uneasy. Now that Daeyoung had successfully made his glamorous comeback, his celibacy was surely about to end. It seemed like Daeyoung’s mating season had arrived.

— Once rehab is done, I’ll burn out all my energy until my back breaks.

Seolwoo imagined Daeyoung running around, indulging in relationships and sex.

Still, he had faith in true love, and he was sure he’d convey his feelings.

What if he was rejected? What if treating Seolwoo special was just because they were close friends? Then what? He could just sever ties and never see him again. Cutting ties was the simplest thing in the world.

“......”

Thinking about the possibility and the life that might follow, Seolwoo suddenly realized. His chest felt like it had been burned.

It hurt far more than the time he was beaten up in 10th grade, or when he saw his mother crying in court, or when he found out his father had run off after impregnating a 17-year-old girl.

If he truly experienced that pain, Seolwoo thought he would hate the saying, “If you wish hard enough, it will come true.”

“Ah.”

He muttered absently and continued walking. The late summer outside was still sweaty. Even under the sunlight, his heart still felt torn and scratched.