My CEO Boss Is A Masked Internet Sensation-Chapter 182: His Regrets

(Karsten)

All my fears had come true; not only had she fallen in love with me, but somehow she had found the truths I had been trying to hide.

When we had decided to hire her, I had no clue she was already engaged, nor did I know her engagement had ended.

I learnt from her in the first meeting as Azul that someone had broken her heart. I had thought a woman like her would be looking for revenge and not love, so she was perfect to fill in the role of what I needed.

A fake girlfriend as I had already hired her for that role.

But the situation escalated out of control for both of us. I didn’t even realise how she crept into my soul and I embedded herself in my heart.

She didn’t touch me—she occupied me, leaving no space for anyone else.

When she accused me of breaking up her engagement I wanted to beg, to take her in my arms and apologise for the heartbreak I had caused her.

I had broken her trust on so many levels and I was ashamed of that. She had every right to be mad at me and I was going to make up to her.

But then she confessed her love for me, making me freeze. The air vacated my lungs and my mind went blank for a second. freewёbnoνel.com

She was in love with me?

A monster in disguise?

When has our lust for each other transformed into love? Deep down, I had known, but I had been using her and denial like a warm blanket to shield myself from this cold truth.

The very truth she has so openly thrown on my face, made her fragile heart rip open for me.

Making me realise, I couldn’t be the man for her. She was supposed to be just a distraction for the time being. I could never submerge her into the dark hole that was my life. The light around me was just an illusion and once that would fade, she wouldn’t be able to survive the man under the fake mask.

I destroyed everything in my path, and she was too innocent, and too important for me to do that.

I had to let her go but gradually. Firstly, I will make her hate me to the core of her being. All that love needed to be expelled from her heart, replaced by only hate and revulsion.

So I formulated the plan before proceeding to her apartment. Either I would threaten her so she would leave and return to her parents, or she must live with me until she realised what an awful person I was and would make the decision to leave.

I still wanted her to be safe; she couldn’t live alone with that stalker on the loose.

And how the fuck she suddenly discovered everything? Did someone tip her off? It had to be the stalker. I had begun to believe that the man had to be a world-renowned hacker. Only that made sense for him to sponge every information like that.

Hackers were known to crawl into every system and gain access to any digital data they wished to gain. That’s who he was. I needed to upgrade my systems, but the damage had already been done.

He had already planted a seed of doubt in her heart for me; it was only going to be a matter of time before she would water that seed and begin to resent me for what I had done.

It was very apparent that he wanted her to suffer, to never find love.

If I was correct in my assumptions then he was the one who contributed to her engagement ending with her fiancé. And now he wanted to do the same between Arata and me, so that was what I was going to show him. It had to look real, her hatred towards me needed to be genuine or the enemy wouldn’t buy it.

Therefore, I buried every emotion, every feeling I possessed for her and went to her apartment. She was wrecked, like a paper boat on stormy water; I was the stormy water. I was the reason for this condition.

My heart screamed, seeing her all vulnerable, and I wished to wrap her in my arms, comfort her, and kiss her. Tell her how sorry I was to break her trust, that I would do better, be better.

But, I nipped down all the urges and did nothing of the sort.

Instead, I stood before her like a tyrant. Spewing harsh truths, spitting out toxic verbal venom, and standing against everything that the serpent on my neck indicated.

I became an actual snake who wrapped around her heart and verbally assaulted her.

I saw her break completely, and for that, I would never forgive myself. The punishment for hurting her would be brutal and would be inflicted without any pity. I would ensure I would feel every emotion she was doing at that moment.

This was not supposed to happen, I should never have dragged her along. But I wanted her to say, she regretted loving me, that she hated me. So I pulled one last statement about her character and accused her of sleeping with Azul.

The slap that came was well deserved and yet she didn’t say what I wanted her to say. I didn’t even find hate in her eyes, just disappointment and loss.

And then she began to cry. The feeling was akin to someone slashing open my chest, extracting my heart, burning and turning it into dust.

The universe was going to punish me severely for I had made an innocent soul cry. I despised tears more than anything, and yet here I stood, watching her shed them because of how I had crushed her heart.

My hands almost shook as I balled them, my fingernails digging into my palms, making half-moons. The urge to reach her was so intense, that I had never battled such an urge.

Like a dumb asshole, I stood before her as her world crumbled and we both became strangers yet again.

I expected her to hit me more and take out all her frustration, but instead, she threw the things I had gotten for her in my face and told me to leave.

For the last time, she had made herself vulnerable to me.

Arata was so done with me and yet never once she said she hated me for what I had made her go through.

She was a bigger person; she was my Blue Rose through and through, and yet I couldn’t have her. Not in this lifetime with the kind of fucking families I had been born into.

So now I stood behind her closed door, holding the dress I had custom-made for her while she wept her heart inside.

Like a fucking, disgusting moron I stood outside her door, hearing her laments.

I couldn’t move, couldn’t even breathe. My jaw had tightened to the point of snapping.

The insane urge to just barge inside and whisk her away whipped at my heart. But I was a loser; Karsten Chevalier was such a loser; he was afraid of love and what the consequences would bring.

Taking out my phone I sent a text to Caysir, telling him to bring her to my villa as soon as she was ready.

With a bleeding heart, I finally left when her hiccups and cries seized to seep from under her door. And I hoped she would find it in her heart to forgive me for the crime I didn’t deserve to be forgiven.