Reborn To Be The Imperial Consort [BL]-Chapter 60: Zopyra — VII

Hu Lijing snapped out of the trip down the memory lane. Eyelids fluttered open as he straightened up, pushing forward from the back of the chair as the warm light of the sun spilled inside from the window.

Amber eyes gleamed wetly as he bowed his head, wiping away the moisture with his fingertips as he let out a sigh.

He deserved this sadness, without a doubt. This grief, this distinct feeling of loss was more than well deserved, even.

Hu Lijing’s lips quivered ever so slightly as he leaned forward, elbows propped on the table as he rested his forehead against his intertwined fingers, trying to compose himself.

Sooner than later, the nine-tailed divine fox spirit managed to gather his thoughts, holding onto the scattering pieces of his waning heart, Hu Lijing raised his head, grabbing a recent hunting record one of the new generation foxes had submitted to him earlier today.

Just as he finished reading a few pages of the record, a slow knock came from the door. Hu Lijing perked up, ears twitching upwards as he put the report down and folded his hands on the table.

He recognised the rhythm of these knocks. The thought of the man’s presence warmed his heart the way a child’s would in the presence of their parent.

"Please come in, Elder." He cleared his throat as the door creaked open and the older fox spirit’s head popped in. "How may I help you?"

The older fox spirit smiled, sheepish and warm as he pushed the door open, shuffling in as he pushed it close behind himself.

"Clan Leader," he greeted warmly, walking towards Hu Lijing’s desk as he pushed his hands inside either sleeves and looked down at the divine fox sitting behind the desk. "I just came by to check on you."

Hu Lijing let out a soft, amused yet exasperated huff at that. "Of course you did, Elder." He murmured softly. A frown took over his handsome face as he leaned forward ever so slightly. "I’ve told Elder many times, you need not call me so formally."

The former clan leader shook his head, a smile stretching on his lips as he took a seat right across from Hu Lijing.

"You are the Clan’s leader now. No matter who I was or what I had been, I ought to refer you with the respect you are due." He explained patiently. "Not to mention that you are a nine-tailed fox, the strongest among us and three tails stronger than myself."

Hu Lijing’s frown deepened as he leaned back on the chair and rolled his shoulders, letting out a sigh of relief as the tense muscles relaxed before he replied in a low voice.

The former clan leader assessed him, smiling slightly as he sat in silence.

"To me it is a matter of age, Elder. You are far older than me even though I am nearly a thousand years old myself. If Elder doesn’t wish to address me informally on other occasions, you should at least call me by my name when we are away from public eyes."

Thoughtfully, the former clan leader hummed. "I will not refuse then, Hu Lijing." He paused, leaning forward slightly as a look of concern washed over his face — youthful looks a stark contrast to his old age — as he asked. "Say, Hu Lijing, why do you look so incredibly troubled, son?"

Hu Lijing fell silent, eyes cast down as he clenched his intertwined hands together, shoulders slumping as he pressed his forehead on his hands.

"It is nothing too serious, Elder. Just personal matters that plague my mind, as always."

The former clan leader’s already warm eyes softened even more as he looked at the back of Hu Lijing’s head with a sympathetic and knowing gaze.

"Would you perhaps want to share it with me? Whatever it may be, Hu Lijing knows I do not judge." The six tailed-fox spirit asked gently.

Hu Lijing let out a quiet sound at the back of his throat, closer to a whine than anything else. Of course, he knew. He knew how good of a fox spirit he was.

With a soft sigh, Hu Lijing slumped loosely on the table, pressing his forehead on the flat surface harder as he considered the former clan leader’s offer.

Three hundred years ago, when Hu Lijing had gained six full tails and was halfway through gaining his seventh, the fox spirit sitting in front of him had stepped down from the clan leader’s position and passed it down to Hu Lijing on the accounts of the latter being more powerful than him.

Thus, better fit to lead the clan.

At that time, the wound of the fallout with Long ZhenHai nearly three hundred years ago had been too fresh for the divine fox.

Hence, desperate to get his mind off the dragon of the infinite sea, Hu Lijing had accepted the position without putting up too much protest.

Then, Hu Lijing had been forced to train under the older fox’s tutelage for a few years before taking up the mantle he had put down.

He let out a heavy sigh, the exhale rolling off his lips as he lifted his head off the take and looked up at the older fox.

His amber eyes raked over the latter’s form, his eyes were so wise, as though they held all the wisdom in the realm. His face was as youthful as it had been for ages. His smile was still extremely kind.

How could a person like him exist?

"Elder..." He began, feeling somewhat hesitant as he pursed his lips, wondering if he really should bring this topic to the older fox.

He could already imagine the response his words would garner. Hu Lijing was smart, he was self-aware too. He knew very well that the entire matter, the fall out, the one-sided cold war, the pain, that misery...

All of it was nothing if not self-inflicted.

Had there been any other person on the receiving end of Long ZhenHai’s unconditional affection, they would have accepted him in a heartbeat.

But Hu Lijing?

The fox gulped, voice trailing off as he met the older fox’s eyes.

Hu Lijing was... He was himself. He knew. He could easily anticipate the mutual kamikaze their relationship would evoke.

He refused to take any risk, as such, he lost the person he loved the most even if he refused to admit it to the dragon himself.

He didn’t want to give Long ZhenHai any hope he knew he wouldn’t be able to do justice to.

As the thoughts swirled in his mind, Hu Lijing swallowed, biting his lower lip as he grunted, immediately regretting speaking.

But he couldn’t back out now. Not when the arrow had already been fired and the former clan leader was staring at him, waiting for him to continue.

"It’s the Long ZhenHai problem." He grumbled sullenly and then all but banged his head on the table once more.

"The Long ZhenHai problem?" The older fox echoed, his tone quizzical.

Slowly, Hu Lijing nodded. "You know, the fall out that happened more than six hundred years ago? We still aren’t on talking terms."

"But I thought you two always spend your estrus together?"

"We do." Hu Lijing nodded in acknowledgement. "We do. But we just... Resolve our urges and that’s about it."

"So... I presume you two do not speak apart from when... Ahem."

Hu Lijing nodded again, gloomy. "Yes. Unfortunately and I know it is my fault, entirely mine actually but... It just hurts."

"Why..." Slowly, the older fox spirit pursed his lips, drawling his question. "... Is it your fault?"

Hu Lijing looked down, finding himself incapable of meeting the spirit’s eyes. Pinching his fingertips, he replied with a grim frown.

"I rejected him. Even though both of us know our true feelings for each other. And I rejected him without any proper explanation... Not that ZhenHai gave me a chance anyway."

As his words fell, a thick and heavy blanket of silence fell over the room. For a long time, neither made a sound. It was as though time had frozen, the moment coming to a standstill.

Until finally, the elder broke the silence, his voice taking a high pitch as he asked, incredulity bleeding into his words.

"You did what?!"