Neon reflected through the storm washing over Aythryn City. Snow drifted down lazily from above, and reflected the bright lights. It wasn’t snowing heavily, but it was a bit stronger than mild. Already, dense snowbanks formed on the sides of the road, and I spotted several alleyway trashcan’s lit on fire for warmth.

I stared down at the parking lot of Grinwater purification plant as my brain worked at one problem after another. The cracked asphalt was torn up and covered in potholes from years of abandonment and being left to the elements. Just like everything that was built up, time had worked its magic to tear it back down.

The way back was mostly silent outside of radio chatter now that the jammer was dead. Apparently, we got off lucky. The team that went to the distribution east wing had to deal with high pressure water jets that could cut straight through metal. No fatalities, though most of them were severely injured. The Crusaders that went the other way, by contrast, had a nice time destroying hundreds of crab-like robots without any injuries.

None of us were seriously injured, and Garrick only lost an arm. A chrome arm at that, so it didn’t really matter… Interestingly, from start to finish there were no moves to betray us. It seemed Hope and I were just jumping at shadows. I felt a bit bad about the whole thing. I mean, the man took several bolts of acid without complaint, and we did nothing but stare at him with suspicion.

A Medtech Medevac was already on its way, so the injured were set off to the side to wait for them. The Crusade certainly had its benefits. Medtech would see them fixed up and right as rain. Hopefully. Anything to do with acid could get pretty tricky, though.

Reinforcements had finally started to arrive. The flashing lights of dozens of Crusade Cruisers lit up the rain-slicked parking lot outside of the water treatment facility. There was even a Waymaker hovering in the air with its heavy cannon pointed directly at the facility.

The car door slammed beside me as Hope started up the cruiser. She’d been busy talking to what looked like chemical technicians. “That went well… still have the drive?”

I groaned and likewise shut my door. The cool rain had felt rather refreshing. I shook off my poncho, and flakes of half-melted snow scattered across the cruiser. “Chek. It’s in my bag somewhere.”

I glanced around between all the Crusaders present. None of them were watching us too closely, which could indicate that there weren’t any traitors present… or that the traitor had already started to make a break for it instead of trying to ensure his identity remained hidden.

”Nova. Hopefully the nerds’ll be able to pull something from it.” Hope wiped off the windshield HUD, shifted into drive, and whipped out of the SmileFriend Purification Zone. “You are fine, right? I don’t need to run you to the medics?”

”Just a little sore.” I rubbed at my legs. Repeated use of Burst Step on top of the long walks had left me utterly drained. It wasn’t looking great considering how much I still needed to do. I had a couple burns too, but they were mild and already starting to fade thanks to Perfect Donor’s increased regeneration speed.

We were silent for a few streets. There was nothing but the screech of tires and the heavy thud of raindrops on the cruiser’s roof. Hope moved for the radio—

“I have something to say.” I lightly caught her wrist just before she could turn it on. As much as I wished I could just stay silent, it was now or never.

”Oh?” She retracted her hand and glanced at me. Her silver inquisitor mask reflected the worry and tension on my face as clear as day. “What is it?”

I put on an Honest smile and tried to get rid of the tense look. I wasn’t tense… not one bit. I’d already planned on revealing it today. I had backup plans, and those backup plans had backup plans. If it didn’t go well—I looked at my HUD and tracked the Roughrider tailing us.

“Um… s-so…” Where did I even begin? Everything you know about me is a lie? I’m actually a thief and was just using my position to get access to certain assets? Funny how I managed to plan everything, yet somehow didn’t come up with what I was going to tell her.

”No pressure, Zukes. This is a safe place.” She drifted around a corner with her lights on, throwing me against the car door. This so very much was not a safe place.

And—and did she just use a pet name for me? I grabbed at my chest. Way to twist the flipping dagger, Hope. As if I wasn’t already beating myself up enough. I shook my head and mutely stared out the window.

The bruised cityscape flashed past us as we practically flew down the streets. “I… c-can I trust you?”

Hope didn’t answer right away. The question seemed to hang in the air like a thousand weights pressing on my shoulder. Each ticking second made me more and more uncomfortable. “That’s up to you.”

I frowned. She was right, but usually people in this situation would say ‘yeah, you can trust me.’ She wasn’t making this easy, was she? When I spoke, my voice was far more subdued. “I… I don’t quite fit into the Crusade’s box.”

”I know.” She spoke calmly without a hint of surprise or suspicion.

”I mean, I disappear for weeks on end, barely show up to work and—” Her words processed way too late, and my voice turned small and squeaky, “y-you know?”

“Yeah.” She hesitated for a moment and then casually pulled off her mask. Her heavy eyes looked as tired as ever, though there was a certain spark in them this time. “You disappear, lie about where you are, and walk around with gear that definitely didn’t come from the Crusade. Subtlety isn’t one of your strong suits.”

“I—“ I bit my tongue. Subtly was my only strong suit. Am I just a failure? ”You didn’t say anything?”

”I figured you would when you were ready.” She glanced at me, and her eyes softened a fraction. “It’s okay… If it's really something serious, I’ll protect you.”

This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

“R-really?” I grabbed my pistol with Hidden Hands and allowed Dexterity to slow the world down so I could have more time to think. An offer for protection… I’d heard it numerous times before, ‘course. This time though—this time I felt that she might actually keep her word. Or maybe I was just biased since I liked Hope.

Outside of the logical thoughts, something twisted in my gut. I looked out the snow smeared windshield and just tried to breathe. When I was ready, huh? What if I’d never been ready? Hell, I still didn’t feel ready.

Hope pulled off the road and slid up into an alley. She fully parked the cruiser in between two trashcans and gave me all of her attention. I tried really hard not to notice that the doors were incidentally blocked so I couldn’t try to escape. “Yeah… so? What did you want to tell me?”

It took all I had in me to keep from hyperventilating. I stared out the windshield at the passing cars and tried to adjust my mindset. Maybe it was just an accident? But if it wasn’t… I should’ve left a Spectral Flock on my bike too. An escape route didn’t matter if I couldn't get to it.

I twisted my hands together. I’m really going to do this, aren’t I? Just take deep breaths, Shiro. One word at a time. The Shiro Alliance is cheering you on. Chek, I could totally do this. “S-so, hypothetically, what if I’m not who you think I am?”

“Are you not who you say you are?” Hope’s head tilted to the side. Her eyes crinkled slightly with amusement, which made the bags under her eyes all the more apparent.

”H-hypothetically speaking.” I bit my cheek. I was so stupid. I practically admitted it by saying hypothetically. Was it getting hot in here? I pulled at my poncho uncomfortably.

”I know.” Hope smiled encouragingly. There it was again—those stupid words. There wasn’t a hint of accusation in her voice like she’d already known this was coming.

”If you knew, than why am I even—“ A shaky breath left me in a rush. It sounded almost like a laugh, but broke and cracked instead. “I’m fucking this up.”

”You’re doing perfectly fine,” Hope said quietly. The teasing edge from entirely dropped, and she gave me a firm nod. It made my heart pang even worse.

“I—I’ve been lying to you. To all of you.” My tongue felt thick in my mouth, and I felt a flush of heat rise to my cheeks.

She didn’t speak up. The inquisitor just stayed silent. It wasn’t the hostile kind of silence that I was expecting. She just gave me space to think through my words.

“My name isn’t Zuku.” I clenched my hands in my lap. There it was—the point of no return. I’d just crossed it. There wasn’t no going back anymore.

She patted my shoulder lightly. ”What is it? Hypothetically speaking.”

A choking laugh broke out of me, and I closed my eyes tightly. “Shiro… Shiro Tsukuyomi.”

My own name felt foreign as I said it. I couldn’t bear to look up at her. Condemnation, accusation, hatred—I didn’t want to see it if it was there. The car went silent, and the sounds of the city broke through. In the distance, a Crusade siren blared to life like they were coming for me.

“Shiro…” She said my name slowly, as if testing it on her tongue. I finally glanced up, and saw her smile. It wasn’t the drained one I’d seen in the past, and wasn’t mocking or condemning. It was just… gentle. Like someone watching a little puppy flounder around.

”Y-yeah…”

”Then it’s nice to meet you, Shiro.” Hope stuck her hand out to me. Her silver gauntlet flashed with neon from a sign across the street. “Hypothetically speaking, ‘course.”

I stared at her gauntlet and let Dexterity drop. My chest still felt tight. This wasn’t how I thought it’d go. I expected anger, accusations, and a cuffs in her hands. I stared down at her gauntlet. “You’re, uh, you’re taking this surprisingly well.”

“You’re taking it suprisingly hard.” She lifted a brow and waved her hand up and down as if to remind me it was still there.

I hesitated and then hesitantly reached out to shake her hand. The Crusade silver felt particularly soothing against my flushed skin. “Nice to meet you too, Hope.”

She smiled softly, started the cruiser back up, and pulled back out onto the street. She took a roundabout route to the Crusade instead of crossing onto the highway. “So… Shiro, huh? Isn’t that a guy’s name?”

”Obviously not.” I shot her a glare. I could appreciate what she was trying to do, though. Some of the tension in my chest lifted. “You already knew, didn’t you?”

”Ligh told me just before you and I went on that Circle raid.” She shrugged and flicked on her lights to speed through a stoplight.

“Woah.” That was a very long time. “Why didn’t you say something?”

”I figured you’d bring it up sooner or later.” She side-eyed me. “And you did, didn’t you?”

“After you dug it out of me.” My voice filled with a weak accusatory tone. “Don’t think I missed the subtle jabs in my direction over the past week.”

“Oh, Shiro, there was nothing subtle about those.” The Inquisitor snickered and lazily stretched a hand out to ruffle my hair. I habitually dodged the motion. “Like I said, subtlety isn’t your strong suit.”

“What now?”

”Now? Now you have a decision to make. We can hire you officially as Shiro Tsukuyomi, you can quit, or you can keep pretending to be Zuku.” Hope reached over and slid her mask back on.

I could quit. I wanted to hear those words for so long back then. Now, though, they felt bitter. Quitting… Part of me still wanted to, ‘course. I risked a lot staying in the Crusade, and I wasn’t gaining all that much out of it. I’d be lying if I said I wanted to quit, though. The Crusade—I had mixed feelings about it.

Staying on as Shiro Tsukuyomi, though? That… that sounded dangerous for plenty of reasons. It wasn’t something I even considered when I thought about how this would end. I always figured Hope would arrest me and try to lock me up in one of the Crusade’s secret panopticons.

“I—“

”Take your time.” Hope reached across and patted me on the shoulder. “There’s no rush. Ligh adjusted your paperwork so internal affairs wouldn’t pry too deeply into you. There’s nothing to worry about.”

I was wondering how I lasted as long as I did. The shoemaker—unless it was some treasurer in the Crusade somewhere, then there was no way the shoe fit enough to ward off an actual internal investigation. Especially when the investigation was geared toward ousting traitors in the first place. “Thanks.”

We went silent. More accurately, Hope gave me some time to think things through. I reclined my chair back and stared out at the city passing by. This was a decision that could potentially haunt me for years to come. Rushing it wouldn’t be smart.

”Can I turn the radio on now?” Hope asked.

”It’s your car. Do whatever you want.” I glanced at her and then stuck a pair of earbuds into my ears to listen to music of my own. It helped clear my head so I could focus.

The drive was quiet all the way back to the Crusade’s HQ. Hope pulled down the ramp and into the Crusade’s parking garage. I plucked the earbuds out. “Can I… can I get back to you?”

“Just don’t ghost me when I call you, eh?” She turned the car off and stretched out. “We’ll probably be put on the strike squad to go get the armor back soon. Not to mention Lavender’s still out there somewhere.”

“Don’t remind me.” I fished the drive with Lavender’s information out of my bag, as well as one with most of the documents ripped from the server banks. I was more than happy to shift the conversation to something else. “You really think the drive will have what we want?”

It was far more likely that he was lying… then again, he did seem like the kind of narcissistic asshole who was too wrapped up in his own ego to bother with lying. The rancid stench of an ex-corpo exec practically wafted off of him.

“It’d be right up his alley to burn his ally when things went south.” She grabbed the drives from my hand. “I’ll hand this to the runners. Why don’t you take the rest of the day off, Zu—Shiro?”

It was so weird hearing Hope call me by my real name. I’d gotten used to Zuku. “Chek… thanks again.”

“Don’t mention it.” She waved a casual hand and turned for the elevator back up into the HQ.

I watched her for a moment and then split off back toward the street. I had a lot to think about… back to my workshop. I always did my best thinking while working. “Bring my bike around, Luna.”