I Became the Drug-Addicted Childhood Friend-Chapter 87

To make sure the Doctor would come, what would it take?

Should I set fire to the director’s office?

He’d probably show up even without something that drastic.

I climbed over the academy’s walls and broke through the locked doors to get inside.

Lena was still much stronger than ordinary people.

It seemed she still had some strength left.

Or maybe it was just that the academy’s security systems were no longer operational, making it easier to break in.

“There’s nothing here.”

Lena spoke as we entered the room where the board of directors used to meet.

It was perfectly tidy.

Tidy?

No, it wasn’t that—it was completely empty.

“He’ll come.”

A few security cameras were still active.

If the Doctor was monitoring this place, he would surely notice.

All I had to do was sit and wait.

Did the Doctor think I was dead?

Would he know I was alive because Shihu had fought him so fervently?

I waited in the chair for what felt like an eternity.

Where were the academy’s directors now?

The headmaster had seemed like a strong Awakened. Where had he gone?

“Uh, Seo Ah. Why exactly—”

The space began to ripple.

A portal was opening.

“He’s here.”

Lena couldn’t understand my actions.

“Huh? He’s here? Wait, I’ll go check outside.”

Lena stepped outside to see who might have arrived.

I was left alone in the director’s office.

No, not alone.

The Doctor appeared, stepping through the portal.

Clang, clang, clang.

The walls of the office sealed shut, separating the room with barriers.

A fireproofing mechanism, perhaps?

Lena, who had gone outside, would have a hard time getting back in now.

The Doctor was undoubtedly monitoring this place.

I never doubted he’d be watching with his technology or whatever else he relied on.

“It’s been a while, Miss Seo Ah.”

Portals worked even without magic?

So even with magic gone, spatial movement was still possible.

Had he anticipated a world like this, where Awakened abilities would be irrelevant, and relied on conventional tools instead?

“I thought you’d be with Shihu.”

With Shihu… together...

Was the Doctor also Shihu?

He must have been Shihu once.

“Shihu is dead.”

“…I see.”

“It’s because of me. But really, it’s because of you. You’re the one who gave me the drugs.”

“That’s true.”

He admitted it.

“You came back to the past just to do this?”

“…The past?”

“Or do you not remember anything at all?”

The Doctor didn’t respond.

“Give me some drugs.”

“…Haha.”

“I want to use.”

The Doctor pulled a syringe from his pocket and tossed it to me.

“Wow.”

“No one knows my past.”

“Plenty do.”

There were plenty in the outside world.

Surely there were many who had read the books.

“Perhaps you’re seeing hallucinations?”

“That must be it, right?”

I jabbed the syringe into my arm.

[5 hours, 48 minutes]

[20 minutes]

[0]

The magic vanished.

But the euphoria remained.

“Surely that ■■ doesn’t become ■■, does it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Ah.

It was impossible to explain.

The system didn’t allow it.

I wasn’t permitted to speak here.

“It’s a simple ■■, where ■■ becomes ■■ and then returns to ■■ to become ■■■…”

The words were filtered out.

It was expected.

I’d tried explaining it to Lena before, and the same thing had happened.

How did I appear to those listening to me?

How would I look?

“Have you completely lost your mind?”

I probably looked insane.

Of course I’d lost my mind. How could I not?

Standing here, enduring all this while staying sane—that would be the real madness.

“Yeah…”

This was already absurd enough.

So please, someone tell me to wake up from this dream and leave this place.

“Even now, it feels like I have five or six hands, but I’m barely holding it together. And yet, you’ve done this to me, and you feel nothing?”

I directed my question at the Doctor.

“Didn’t I say using drugs was your choice? You’re simply facing the consequences of your own decisions, Miss Seo Ah.”

The Doctor didn’t seem to feel any responsibility for what had happened.

Perhaps that was only natural.

“You said you’d help me...”

“You’re already cured.”

“......”

Cured?

How?

Because I couldn’t use magic anymore?

Was that a cure?

The Doctor clearly had no intention of helping me further.

“Still, because of the bond we’ve shared...”

“Ah…?”

“I’ll give you a parting gift.”

The Doctor pulled a small vial from his pocket.

Inside, a dark liquid sloshed.

“I guarantee it’ll feel wonderful. You’ll have a peaceful, enjoyable death.”

A euthanasia drug.

“Oh...”

“You can use it right away if you’d like, but I’d appreciate it if you went somewhere far away to do so.”

It would be inconvenient for him to deal with my corpse, after all.

“Ah, um… Could you at least listen to me one more time?”

“Yes, of course. Speak freely. I’ll listen.”

Bang, bang, bang.

Lena was banging on the barrier outside.

“Listen…?”

“Everything that happens in this room is recorded. Feel free to talk to the air if you’d like.”

“Ah...”

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So he was telling me to ramble to myself while he recorded it.

I see.

“This was all just to give you the drugs. Yes, this will be the last time we meet. You’ve done well, Miss Seo Ah.”

The space rippled.

The portal opened.

What had I expected?

That confessing everything to the Doctor would change something?

There was no way to explain, and even if I could, nothing would change.

Shihu wasn’t coming back.

The Doctor and Shihu were clearly different people.

If someone asked if I was the same person I was ten years ago, or even five, it would be hard to answer.

Claiming the Doctor was Shihu made no sense.

In any case, I’d received the euthanasia drug.

Bang, bang, bang, bang.

The banging on the barrier grew louder.

And then, crash!

The barrier shattered.

Dust filled the air as Lena coughed and entered the room.

“Are you okay? The wall suddenly came down, so I—”

Lena had managed to break the wall.

Even a diminished Awakened was still an Awakened, I guess.

“I’m fine. Let’s go home.”

I guess I’ll use the drug.

At least the Doctor was kind enough to give it to me for free.

See? He’s a nice guy.

***

Lena fidgeted nervously the entire way back home before she left. She said she was worried about me. Before leaving, she handed me a childish keychain, the kind kids use. If you press it, it alerts a guardian. She said her younger siblings use it and insisted I do too.

And now, I’m home.

If I stay home, will Shihu come back?

I set the black vial of liquid on the desk and just stared at it.

Maybe this is a gift from Shihu, in a way.

When I think about it like that, I feel... oddly happy.

“When will I die?”

It’s already far too late.

Much too late.

The house is empty.

No one is here but me.

The floors are cold, and the air feels biting.

The house is a mess.

It hasn’t been cleaned in ages.

Shihu must’ve tried to tidy up a bit, but still.

“...Are you going to run away again?”

I ask myself.

But there’s not much left to run to.

There’s no one left to rely on.

No one I can cling to.

“...Dying is something I can always do later.”

Maybe—just maybe—Shihu will really come back.

There’s no way to know for sure.

So don’t give up yet.

There’s still hope somewhere.

“...You can’t give up.”

Even after all of this, have I learned nothing?

Why did I go to the Doctor?

Wasn’t it because I was looking for an easy way out?

Did I think I could just dump all the responsibility on him?

This is all your fault.

Which means it’s my fault.

Because you let your life fall to pieces.

And now, there’s no one left to pity you for blaming yourself.

You killed everyone who might have cared.

The circumstances were bad.

Of course, they were.

But someone out there has faced worse and still overcome it.

So, yes, this is my fault.

“...Did I... really mess up that badly?”

Did I?

Yes.

“I’m sorry...”

Stop apologizing.

If you’re truly sorry, show it with your actions.

Prove that there’s something left in you worth redeeming.

What actions?

What am I supposed to do?

Doing nothing is the real crime.

Even if Shihu comes back, the person I am right now is nothing but a burden.

So, stop being a burden.

Stop looking for someone to fix your life.

Take care of yourself.

That’s how it should’ve been from the start.

“It’s... it’s because of the drugs...”

Everyone knows it’s because of the drugs.

But do you think the drugs acted on their own?

You chose to take them.

Don’t make excuses.

“I really tried to do my best...”

Then try harder.

Start now.

“It’s already... too late...”

And how many times are you going to repeat that?

You can’t be weak anymore.

So get up.

Get up.

The black vial is there.

The syringe is ready.

My hand, holding the bottle, trembles uncontrollably.

It’s a bad ending.

There’s no avoiding it.

I pick up the syringe.

...

Or maybe I should write a note before I go.

Leave something behind.

Even now, I feel like I want to.

I rummage through the house.

There should be paper and a pen somewhere.

There always is, stuffed in drawers or corners.

Found it.

A crumpled piece of scrap paper and a pen.

“...Scrap paper?”

It looks like garbage at first glance.

But when I flip it over, I see doodles.

It’s nothing significant.

Just something Shihu and I did together.

A game of tic-tac-toe, it seems.

We kept ending in a draw, so we switched to a different game.

There’s an unfinished game on the page.

If I add one more O, I’ll win.

So I do.

I won.

Hehe.

“That was fun...”

A tear falls onto the paper.

At this rate, I won’t even be able to write the note.

Please, just one more chance.

Is this how Shihu felt?

Please, just one more chance for me, too.

I’ll try again.

I won’t give up this time.

I’ll do my best.

Please, just one more chance.

Please.