I Became the Drug-Addicted Childhood Friend-Chapter 86

The academy had been shut down.

Some buildings were already being demolished.

There were no students or teachers to be seen.

They said it was because the world no longer needed the Awakened.

Perhaps the cruelest thing in the world is loneliness.

"...Ugh..."

I don’t even remember what nonsense I muttered to myself on the way to the academy.

I slumped against the cold wall of the abandoned grounds.

The ground was freezing.

Not that it mattered.

I wanted to use again.

Even now.

The thought of it disgusted and infuriated me.

I hated that if the drugs were in front of me, I’d take them without hesitation.

I hated it so much.

Why isn’t willpower enough to stop it?

"Seo Ah?"

I looked up at the sound of my name.

It was someone I knew.

Rena.

Rena...

Were we friends?

What had happened between us?

My jumbled thoughts made it hard to figure out how to respond.

As I stared at her, bits and pieces came back.

She was one of the few people who had ever been kind to me.

"Rena."

"It is you, Seo Ah. Your hair’s so long now, I almost didn’t recognize you. Wait, where’s Shihu?"

I tried to smile.

I probably ended up with some awkward, indecipherable expression instead.

"He’s... somewhere."

That was all I could say.

He had to be somewhere.

"...Somewhere?"

"He’s out there."

"Are you okay?"

I’m fine.

My body, at least, is fine now.

That’s the real problem.

"What happened?"

Questions like this are troublesome.

They’re the kind people ask when they want to help.

But no one who’s ever gotten involved with me has come out better for it.

"Wait, where are you going? Seo Ah?"

So I did what I always did—I ran.

I stood up and bolted.

I had to admit it.

Shihu was gone.

He’d disappeared—maybe into the past, maybe somewhere else.

"...I’m sorry... I’m sorry... I’m sorry... I’m sorry... I’m sorry..."

I muttered as I ran through the streets.

A few passersby looked at me strangely.

Except there weren’t any passersby.

The streets were empty.

Maybe it wasn’t even a street.

Maybe I hadn’t really come to the academy.

Maybe Shihu hadn’t disappeared. Maybe I hadn’t just seen Rena—

"Hey, hey, stop running away!"

It was Rena’s voice, calling after me.

She’d followed me.

Wasn’t she supposed to be a heroine or something?

"I’m sorry."

The protagonist is gone now.

"What happened?"

"Nothing. He’s not here."

"Why are you running away?"

Thud.

I tripped over a rock and fell.

I tried to get up and run again but failed.

Rena caught up and helped me to my feet.

I felt a sharp pang in my side—no, it wasn’t real.

Why wasn’t it real?

I wanted it to be real.

I wanted someone to end it.

"Did something happen with Shihu?"

No matter how I thought about it, this was cruel.

If the protagonist is gone, the story should end.

This kind of epilogue wasn’t necessary.

The protagonist has to be somewhere.

I won’t take his place.

If this is the consequence of trying to become the protagonist, then I’ll just disappear instead.

Why does my mind suddenly become so clear on days like this?

Where are the hallucinations, the voices?

Why can’t I ramble like I used to?

"...What’s wrong?"

"Ah... Ugh..."

Even if I didn’t want to admit it, the truth was clear.

This world existed only to torment me.

It taunted me for the moments of happiness I’d had while on the drugs.

Just end the story already.

Give me the credits roll.

I want it to be over.

The moral of the story is:

Don’t use drugs.

Anyone can be forced into misery.

Individuals are powerless.

Was there a lesson about not running away?

I don’t know.

I ran away every time.

I just tried to run from Rena again.

And failed.

Was my evasive nature the problem?

Even if I had faced everything head-on, would there have been a solution?

Or was it my fault for thinking that way, for overanalyzing everything instead of confronting reality?

Or was the problem simply that I existed at all?

"Are you okay?"

I wasn’t.

But somehow, I needed to be.

I needed to overcome it.

Like a protagonist would.

I could do it!

"I killed him."

I confessed.

I killed him.

Because it was the truth.

"...What?"

"I killed Shihu."

I murdered the protagonist.

An achievement no one else could claim.

That made me the ultimate villain, didn’t it?

"...You killed... Shihu?"

"Yeah. So you’ll never find him. He won’t answer, and you’ll never see him again."

"What are you talking about?"

"I’m a villain."

The road to hell was paved with good intentions.

I’d never intended to become a villain.

Maybe surviving was my mistake.

"Stop saying nonsense. What’s wrong with you?"

"I told you, I’m a villain. Kill me. You’ve got a weapon, don’t you?"

"... ..."

"You tried to kill me last time, didn’t you? Like then. Come on."

Rena looked sad.

Was it because Shihu was gone?

"...Tell me what happened, slowly. Let’s move somewhere else first."

***

We managed to rent a fairly large space.

Rena did everything she could to calm me down.

It helped clear my head a little.

Which only made things worse.

I wanted to use.

"Can you talk now?"

Rena asked gently.

"Shihu died because of me."

"...Can you explain what happened?"

Explain.

The more I thought about it, the more it tore me apart.

The pain was unbearable.

I tried to smile, but my lips trembled.

"I... I annoyed him... No, that much he could handle. But... I... made a mistake... with the drugs... I used too much..."

"And then?"

"He got sick of me... and killed himself."

"......"

"And I still want to use. I hate it, but I can’t stop. Because it feels so good."

Disgust washed over me.

I hated myself so much I wanted to die.

"Ah... Please, let me go back to the past too."

Did Shihu go back to the past?

I didn’t know.

"Wait, hold on... I still don’t understand how Shihu could have died."

"Because when he dies, he can go to the past."

"Hah... Haha, that’s absurd. Shihu’s fine. You didn’t see him die, right?"

No, I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.

I had seen the traces he left behind.

"...Yeah..."

Could I cling to that as my only hope?

Maybe he hadn’t really died. Maybe he’d gone somewhere else.

I didn’t know how to explain the bloodstained sword, though.

But... yes, maybe he was still alive.

"Don’t worry. It’ll be okay."

"You think so...?"

Could it really be?

I hoped it was.

"Do you want to rest for a bit?"

"Ah..."

Could I rest?

Just for a little while?

It felt strange to even think about resting.

No, wait. I knew Shihu still existed.

There was the Doctor.

If the Doctor was Shihu, then I just needed to find him.

Right?

Thinking about it now, the Doctor’s behavior had been strange.

Hadn’t he seemed... kind?

Like he had a purpose, though one I couldn’t quite grasp.

Maybe this was all the Doctor’s fault.

I started using drugs because he gave them to me.

Where had this vicious cycle even started?

Shihu hated the Doctor and ended up becoming the Doctor.

And Shihu hated the Doctor because the Doctor gave me drugs.

"I need to go to the academy."

"What?"

I’d just confirmed that it was shut down, but...

The Doctor had been one of the academy’s directors.

If I stormed into his office, maybe he’d show up.

Or maybe I’d find a clue.

I had to find the Doctor.

I didn’t know what I’d do when I saw him, but I wanted to talk.

Whether he was Shihu or not, he was still the cause of everything.

"I just remembered why I came to the academy."

Because Shihu would be there.

The Doctor.

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Maybe.

I didn’t really know how Shihu had turned into the Doctor.

I only had a vague idea of what going back to the past meant.

"Why?"

"Shihu’s at the academy. Want to come with me?"

"Oh... You mean to the dorms he stayed in? There’s nothing there. I’ve been."

Rena must have suffered a lot after losing contact with Shihu.

The other heroines probably went through the same thing.

"I’m going anyway."

"Well... okay, but the place is locked down. All the Awakened have scattered and lost their powers. I’m practically an ordinary person now... and look, I don’t even have a weapon. Sneaking in won’t be easy."

The Awakened seemed to have been completely disarmed.

No weapons, no skills.

The Doctor’s plan had worked flawlessly.

Suppressing the Awakened like this couldn’t have been easy.

I guess that’s why Shihu had tried to stop it.

But with Shihu gone, the plan had unfolded without a hitch.

At least the Doctor wasn’t aiming to destroy the world.

That much made sense.

The Doctor had to have retained some of Shihu’s principles.

Why else would he care so much about curing the Awakened?

It was probably because of me.

Things spiraled out of control, and this was where we ended up.

The large-scale magic suppression that benefited me was just an extension of the same logic behind Shihu putting that necklace on me.

"I have to go."

"......"

All the more reason to go.

The Doctor excelled at information warfare, so he was likely monitoring what happened at the academy.

That’s where I had to go.

To meet him.

And maybe to ask for drugs—

No, that’s not it.

I needed to ask him.

If he even knew who he was.

How he’d ended up this way.

And maybe...

"Ha..."

I sighed.

Suppressing magic hadn’t cured my addiction.

At this rate, I’d still be a burden to Shihu.

I needed to act before my last shred of willpower disappeared.