To His Hell and Back-Chapter 117: Heartfelt Survival

"But your father, like mine, is still alive isn’t he?" Cassius asked with interest, "How do you suppose he’s living now?"

"I don’t know," Arabella squeezed Ed her arms, "Not that it matters. He’s always good at running away. He could still be in the village or maybe he ran away. Maybe grandmother is visiting him, coddling and telling him all sorts of excuses to justify selling me and Ariel."

"Wow," Cassius let out a chuckle of sarcasm. "You know, I’m very interested in meeting your father."

"Oh please don’t say that. I don’t want to see his face again," Arabella sighed. She didn’t know why she had opened up to Cassius but he does have that charm to her, allowing her to speak freely about her life and the plights that came with it. She could tell that it’s because both of them understood each other’s pain, as if in a way though they have different circumstances, they had felt the pain the other had went through, knowing it to be their own pain. "Did he really sent you to wars while starving you?"

Cassius who heard her question let out a hum, "He did. At sixteen he sent me to the war as Cassius Crown but I wasn’t told to kill people for him and eliminate his enemies when I was sixteen, it started since I was seven. The situation was different as back then, I wasn’t sent to war as the crown prince leading the army to attack. Rather, I was sent as one of the walking soldier, fighting to death in wars that had close chances of dying than surviving."

Hearing his words, she drew her breaths, "Since you were seven?"

"I was poisoned at the time too," he continued his words, "Not many of humans’ poison could work to vampires but there’s a lot of vampire poisons made to harm and those were the ones that they always fed me with. Oh you can’t imagine, I thought it was Morgana who had poisoned me but how surprised am I to find out she wasn’t the only one sending that poison but also my father."

Horrified, Arabella who had looked at him had her green eyes wide from fear. Vampires were cruel. Perhaps the way they show love was cruel as well. They were creatures who still capable of loving however, like Princess Marissa but in a way they had it in their nature to be cruel. Perhaps their way of showing their love had came across as cruel for her and other humans, maybe because they were two different creatures. But she was sure this wasn’t the King’s way of showing love. It wasn’t to hone him so one day he could be protected from all harm from the outside world, no.

The king wasn’t afraid to send him to war where he could die, punish him with whips to brink of exhaustion, and send him poison. As if... as if he wanted to kill Cassius for good.

"Don’t look at me like that," he said when her eyes met him. She knew he didn’t like to be pitied and tried to straighten her face and pull herself together but when he sees his face and imagine what he had went through, her expression slipped again and he spoke, "I’m still alive aren’t I? Another day and we survive," he sang as he listlessly added while looking at the window far ahead, particularly at nothing, as if he was longing for something. "But I suppose there are days where you sometimes wonder. You ask if all those time when you push yourself to stand from the blood and flesh torn apart around you, when you woke up from the poison realizing you were still alive, and when look at the the blood covering your hands; you began to ask."

"Ask?" She echoed, her whispery words were as tender as the features of his face.

"You began to wonder if surviving is worth it," and his words struck a chord to her, like a lump she couldn’t swallow. "But I don’t want to die."

She could see that through his cruel features was someone, just like any ordinary person, trying to survive. Someone who wasn’t that frightening Cassius Crown, Crown Prince of the Versailles. Rather he looked like any other young man, surviving in the court.

"So I have to survive," Cassius crimson eyes locked to her green ones. Their gazes that were always trying their best in surviving the horrifying days of their lives, caused by their parents were similar, almost too similar. "Besides if I did die the people underneath me would also be in trouble, risking it is simply far too irresponsible," his lips that were drawn serious earlier began to quirk up, "Wouldn’t want my little birdie to peck me to death because I caused her further dangers, could I? I have felt it first hand this morning and my ribs still do hurt."

She furrowed her eyebrows but laughters began to spill from her lips. She squeezed her eyes, laughing. For the very first time she had let out a hearty laughed, her cheeks pinkish and her eyes catching slight tears from her laughter. Cassius sat still as he watched her laughing, eyes locked, as if his breaths had been stolen. Seeing her laughing so freely reminded him of the time he found out that birds could fly. It has also made him to admire those little creatures whose life was far freer than him.

"Yes, yes, my narcissistic master please do survive," she answered, smiling wide. As expected as Cassius. Even a serious conversation could go back into his usual narcissistic remark. She didn’t mind it though, instead hearing that unexpected line really did made her burst out of laughter. "Being pecked to death is one of the worst death one could ever imagine you know."

"I believe that," he answered, grinning as he closed his eyes, not minding this time and wondering if the carriage could have moved slower. How unfortunate that he had lived in luxuries as his horses were the fastest in the kingdom. They remain to talk in the carriage and Bella learned a few things about him by talking. Like how Queen Morgana has a sibling that would come to visit during human hunt, how he respected his aunt despite doing what he had to do to Adele, and about the humans who could turn vampires into mindless, hungry creatures called remnant. Their conversations continued until the sky turn to dusk as their carriage rolled into the red light district.